I have to say that the more I live, nothing in my life is ever a coincidence. I woke up late today and struggled to get up for a doctor’s appointment I thought I had. I drove there and started to walk in when I realized I couldn’t find my license, and I knew I needed it to get into the building. This was maybe the first sign to slow down and pay attention. I go back to my car and check my car and my bag to no avail.
I end up driving back home to search for my ID because I still have a dentist appointment to go to. At that point, I thought maybe they messed up my appointment again. The doctor I had to see first is part of a healthcare initiative for low-income patients, and their office was constantly rescheduling. I did not get a call saying I missed my appointment either, so I let it go. Nonetheless, I still did not want to drive around without a license, and I have this next appointment. I went home and searched everywhere I could have placed or dropped this license, and again, nothing.
I called the dentist's office to see if I could still come in with an expired license, which they said was ok. When I typed in the office on Google Maps, I noticed they had a bad rating, then I realized it was across the streets from the projects. It is sad to say, but they tend to provide the worst healthcare to low-income families, especially Black and Brown ones. I began to feel uneasy, but I had not seen the dentist in a while due to issues with my insurance and wanted to take responsibility for my dental care.
But it gets worse y’all! When I walked in, it looked like the office had not been updated since the late 80s to 90s. But there I was, still ignoring the signs. The receptionist was even well-aged herself. As soon as I sat down, my nose just started running. I felt fine before I came in, and now, I am getting sick?! My body was trying to tell me something that I was clearly accustomed to disregarding.
I could just walk out now. What if the receptionist calls me and asks why? Who cares? Just leave.
My thoughts were anxious. The other receptionist came and handed me some paperwork. I filled them out and, when I went to hand them in, no one was there. I stood there for a while.
Look, now is your chance. You can walk out now. But, these random strangers who don't even know me will think I'm weird. Girl, you swear somebody is always thinking about you. Leave! Ughhh, I hate looking weird. I'm here. Let me just get it over with. Alright, you’ll see!
I go in the bathroom, partially to reason with myself and make sense of my thoughts, and partially for the obvious use.
I’m probably just being paranoid. But why did my nose start running out of nowhere?
I leave the bathroom and sit down until the dentist opens the door to call me in. If you have ever watched the typical scary movie or a TikTok, this was that moment where the creepy, shrill music starts playing before someone screams. He was a crypt keeper yall! I walked in reluctantly, and as I looked around, my anxiety piqued. Why did the equipment look like it was on life support? Like an overaged hooker that refused to quit the game? Just washed up looking.
Oh boy, I really got myself into a mess here.
Thank God. It was not too late. The dentist asked me some basic questions and began to put on his gloves, but failed to properly put them on, so a portion of his hand was exposed, THEN he touched his exposed skin with the other glove. At this point, I am cringing and wondering why I let it get this far. He attempts to pull my head back, but I will not open my mouth, and I tell him that his gloves are not all the way on. He got an attitude. He said, that that part of his hand would not be in my mouth, but I could go find a new dentist.
PRAISE GOD. You're damn right grandpa!
I was never so happier for someone to be rude to me. I agreed and hopped out of the chair faster than I sat down. The receptionist saw me walking out, but she did not say anything. She probably had seen plenty of walkouts in her days here. I mean, wow, that guy clearly needed to retire. Putting on your gloves properly is the most basic hygienic rule.
I left and walked to the library right down the block and wrote an honest 1-star review because maybe it’ll help someone else save their time. Another lesson learned. When your inner voice tells you to not go somewhere or do not do something, no matter how far along you get, you still have a chance to get out of Dodge. Take it! Who knows, he could have botched up my mouth or passed on unwanted bacteria into my precious oral cavity, and I have a great smile. Why risk it now?
You can use your feet to walk away, or your voice to speak up but do not be so oblivious to the signs that a walk turns to a run, and speaking up turns to a yell. I realize that I have a hard time trusting myself, trusting my inner voice. I have always been so attuned to what others want and need that I neglected my own.
Over time, my inner voice became weaker and weaker to the point where I mistook it for paranoia and egotistical skepticism. I feel like a baby relearning life. Nonetheless, I am grateful my inner voice is making itself known now. It is better to learn later than to never learn at all. I hope this serves as a reminder to trust yourself. Trust your body because it speaks to you. Trust your feelings because they are there for a reason.
P.S. When I was looking through the books at the library, I found one titled: The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down. The top of the book clarified the title and said: How to Be Calm and Mindful in a Fast-Pace World!
What a divine reminder to slow down and be present with self!
Peace, Love, & Revolution,
Phonetic Wisdom
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