Let's talk about Day 4 in Jamaica, it was another challenge. My heart was set on seeing Ocho Rios or Montego Bay, I honestly wasn't sure which one we would see, I just knew I would appreciate either-or. I had only been to Jamaica one other time, 9 long years ago and I never got the chance to visit either. At the time, it was a transportation issue, this time, it was a pandemic issue. I woke up and got dressed when it was official that my cousin Phillip would come and get us to take us and it was already what felt like a long 1.5-hour wait for him to arrive.
Excited and cute as ever in a little blue dress, I jumped into the backseat with my mom and dad, and off we were. I love road trips: long rides overlooking nature's garden, the drive reminded me of road trips to Georgia to go see my dad's family. There were always so many trees reminding me of the joy and blessing of fresh air and when we got closer, I could see the ocean glittering, dancing even, calling out to me to come closer. My excitement increased, I was almost there.
We finally made it, I see the signs and it says, Ocho Rios. We pull into the attractions area and everything is CLOSED. CLOSED! I am devastated, but keeping it together. We keep driving around and it's only locals, no tourists...they shut it down. Well, Dunn's River Falls is still open. We get there and the price for tourists is nearly 3x as much as if we were residents. One thing about Jamaica, you don't want to be caught pulling out American dollars because it will make you a target for trouble, therefore we were unprepared for that reality and did not go inside. I was officially crushed, I only wanted to see the waterfall and put my feet in the freshwater.
It was a deeply discouraging experience for me, I felt as though, I didn't want much and I was still let down. I didn't know the weight of my hurt until my mom held my hand on the way home, she could sense my hurt and just then tears began to well in my eyes and it all flowed out. I wanted to hold it in because my mind said it was trivial, but my heart said it was an overflow of tears from all of life's disappointments.
My dad wrapped his arm around me and let me release it. Perhaps it was the low expectation that hurt me more...most people fear that if they set their sights high and are let down, that is worse, but what's that saying again? Aim for the stars, if you fail, you'll land on the moon. Not that there was much I could do with Jamaica on lockdown, yet in life, perhaps I am too prepared for the bare minimum and disappointed by my own lack of faith in the unexpected possibilities of my journey. And why do we feel pain and attempt to stop ourselves from feeling it? Why do we cause ourselves more grief and disease by holding onto what needs releasing? This experience taught me to release more, to be more vulnerable, to not be ashamed of my own heartache and sadness. It is ok...to be human. Let yourself be comforted. It is easy to say that people aren't there for us, but how often do we let them in or let our guard down to see if they are willing and able to do so?
I definitely didn't need to go to Jamaica to realize this, yet, something about being outside of my comfort zone and expecting an adventure allowed me to remember that we can be anywhere in the world and not enjoy ourselves. It also taught me to have more compassion, Jamaica was in a state of despair and reminded of those who live in a constant mindset of fear and poverty doing whatever they believe they need to do to get by.
All in all, I remembered that the real adventure is within ourselves, navigating the walls and roadblocks that we create within our own minds and learning how to navigate them to experience peace, joy, and power wherever we are in life. We will always have ourselves no matter where we go, the source of our joy and pain will always be from the inside out and we must learn how to make the most of it, like blogging about it for someone else's peace of mind or pleasure.
Peace, Love & Revolution,
Phonetic Wisdom
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